Ups and Downs, Smiles and Frowns

Seven week old Seb after his op
 

Five weeks after Seb was born, I found a lump on his groin. It was very big and had appeared from nowhere! In a panic, my Mom and I went to A&E where we were seen straight away. He is diagnosed with an inguinal hernia which will need operating! *Cue tears and panic*

I was so stressed and worried, I lost half a stone in about three weeks.

I couldn't eat or sleep properly and was burnt out.

Fortunately, I had my Mom and her friends who rallied round and really helped.

More A&E & a drastic drop in weight later, he is finally admitted to hospital for his operation. It was 45 mins and took him a few weeks to recover fully. 

Thankfully, we noticed a change in Seb for the better. He was no longer in pain and started to gain weight and strength. :-)

This, however, was the time when the cracks appeared in my relationship.

As my boyfriend was in his final year of uni, he was putting his studies first. To make things worse, he lived in another city and didn't come every weekend as we had planned. I didn't argue or make him feel bad about not being there for me, because I empathised with his situation too. Deep down I just hoped everything would come together in the end.

Sadly, they didn't. In the Spring, a few situations took place when I knew that we couldn't work anymore. I knew that I had to put my son's happiness even before my own.

In the Summer, he left for his home country abroad. That was ok as the original plan was for Seb and I to join him. Again, a few situations took place that showed me staying in the UK was best.

It struck me yesterday, that it's been nine months since I last saw him and two months since I last spoke to him. Time has flown by.

It was weird because for all those years, i'd been 'happy' with my boyfriend. I was in love...with the idea of being in love. This situation is not all his fault, I admit.

The good news is, I'm a good Mother and come from a line of good Mothers who have passed down the art of self sacrificial love.

My focus is raising Sebastian to become a wholesome, responsible, moral, socially aware, well educated and loving man.
 
Ultimately, I'd love to find the right man who wants to marry me and who loves Seb as his son. I'd love to have more children at some point, but likely not until my thirties.

Anyhoo, as I said to one of my best friends last night: I know i'm doing the right thing by Seb because I'm the first and last person he sees everyday. It's my name he calls as soon as he wakes up; no one else's.

As long as he's happy, I'm happy.

Love Mama x




January 16th 2013: It was like an episode from ER

After the day I wrote the 'Nostalgia, Ultra' post, the hospital had decided to induce me on the 16th January. Had I realised that Michelle Obama, Muhammad Ali and Benjamin Franklin RIP had birthdays too on teeny's original due date, Jan 17th, I may have left it! Anyhoo, I was too fat and cumbersome to care. I was ready to meet my tiny!

At 8am, I arrived at the hospital like Mariah Carey with a matching amount of luggage and entourage to boot!
 

Checked in, obs taken, pessary in; we're ready to be induced into labour. LET'S GET THIS!

 

The contractions began and oh la la! For anyone who has yet to experience it, my contractions felt like a blunt kneeding pain somewhere in the back of my hip and above my bum. I got my boyfriend to massage it, which helped but that hour went by slowly! 

The nurse comes in and reads tiny's heart rate monitor when it had 'decreased' for the second time in four hours. Apparently, this was cause for concern but I was relaxed. I had my heart set on a water birth and it was GOING to happen.

 

A Senior Consultant came in and said I had only dilated 1cm within three hours and they were concerned about the baby's heart rate, when the possibility of a C-Section came up. 

Woah - This was nowhere in the birthing plan! 

It was for the best and as soon as I uttered 'yes', that's when it was like an episode of ER!

Nurses, Anesthetists and Consultants burst in the room. They wheeled me into the theatre and administered an epidural.

My boyfriend, looking utterly bewildered joined me, wide eyed the whole time. I on the other hand (high from the drugs) started to crack jokes with the surgeons about going there 'more often' for a free bikini wax!!!

One hour and a massive pull and tug later, tiny was out!!!!! 

Apparently, he weed and pooed on the staff as soon as he left me! 

When I heard his first cry, I cracked up in hysterics.  (Blame the drugs!)

My boyfriend now looking even more bewildered and teary held our son for the very first time. 

5 llbs 7oz was our Sebastian.

 

And so began the start of my new life, with my teeny tiny.

 

Love Mama x