Food for thought

Hi everyone,

From my last post I spoke about feeling down with starting work again. I cannot believe that I've nearly completed my first working week already! Time flies! Like seriously: the world needs to stop!

Just a quick update to say Seb's fine and well. The good thing with my job is it's in central, so it doesn't take longer than 30mins door to door :-) I feel good as I'm providing for Seb 'minimally' and still enjoying being a Mommy to him. Each night we've done something like going to the park, grocery shopping (highlight of the week :-/ ) and just sat in bed relaxing to our favourite nursery rhymes.


What lead me to this post is, I've met a lovely a girl at work who told me she has a few weeks old nephew who lives with her. She's besotted with him and there we were, instantly bonding over baby tips.

It suddenly dawned on me, that I need to incorporate more 'tips' within this blog.

I did start out wanting to, but didn't want to come across as 'preachy', a 'know it all' or 'perfect mom'. Look how Alicia Silverstone's new mummy guide was received and what about the tips that alienate the average Mother who is not absurdly rich or obsessive over organic items like on dear old Gwynie's 'Goop' 

People who know me in real life know I keep it 100 with everyone from all backgrounds and all races. There are some tips I told my work friend regarding acid reflux, baby bottle recommendations and milk formula that she really took on board.
That made me happy.

I read today a fantastic quote from the 'Humans of New York' project

"Having a child is constraining. There's a lot of things you used to do that you can't do anymore. But it's also extremely expanding."
"How is it expanding?"
"Because you suddenly relate to everyone else on earth who has a child. No matter what race, class, or creed."

I'll start sharing some tips very soon!

Love Mama x

 

 

Happy Mother's Day

 I'm happy to have a Mother who's always stood by her convictions and raised me 'the right way'.

I'm happy to have a Mother who constantly challenges me and doesn't accept my BS!

I'm happy to have a Mother who is always rooting for me and wants me to succeed.

I'm happy to have a Mother who has taught me how to be compassionate, loving, FEARLESS and to be real.



I'm happy to be a Mother to my Sebastian. 

Today is my second Mother's day and I can say that this day is more special than Christmas or my birthday, because it signifies the reason for my being.

I love you, Seb.

Love Mama x

 

 

 

 
 

 

Ups and Downs, Smiles and Frowns

Seven week old Seb after his op
 

Five weeks after Seb was born, I found a lump on his groin. It was very big and had appeared from nowhere! In a panic, my Mom and I went to A&E where we were seen straight away. He is diagnosed with an inguinal hernia which will need operating! *Cue tears and panic*

I was so stressed and worried, I lost half a stone in about three weeks.

I couldn't eat or sleep properly and was burnt out.

Fortunately, I had my Mom and her friends who rallied round and really helped.

More A&E & a drastic drop in weight later, he is finally admitted to hospital for his operation. It was 45 mins and took him a few weeks to recover fully. 

Thankfully, we noticed a change in Seb for the better. He was no longer in pain and started to gain weight and strength. :-)

This, however, was the time when the cracks appeared in my relationship.

As my boyfriend was in his final year of uni, he was putting his studies first. To make things worse, he lived in another city and didn't come every weekend as we had planned. I didn't argue or make him feel bad about not being there for me, because I empathised with his situation too. Deep down I just hoped everything would come together in the end.

Sadly, they didn't. In the Spring, a few situations took place when I knew that we couldn't work anymore. I knew that I had to put my son's happiness even before my own.

In the Summer, he left for his home country abroad. That was ok as the original plan was for Seb and I to join him. Again, a few situations took place that showed me staying in the UK was best.

It struck me yesterday, that it's been nine months since I last saw him and two months since I last spoke to him. Time has flown by.

It was weird because for all those years, i'd been 'happy' with my boyfriend. I was in love...with the idea of being in love. This situation is not all his fault, I admit.

The good news is, I'm a good Mother and come from a line of good Mothers who have passed down the art of self sacrificial love.

My focus is raising Sebastian to become a wholesome, responsible, moral, socially aware, well educated and loving man.
 
Ultimately, I'd love to find the right man who wants to marry me and who loves Seb as his son. I'd love to have more children at some point, but likely not until my thirties.

Anyhoo, as I said to one of my best friends last night: I know i'm doing the right thing by Seb because I'm the first and last person he sees everyday. It's my name he calls as soon as he wakes up; no one else's.

As long as he's happy, I'm happy.

Love Mama x




January 16th 2013: It was like an episode from ER

After the day I wrote the 'Nostalgia, Ultra' post, the hospital had decided to induce me on the 16th January. Had I realised that Michelle Obama, Muhammad Ali and Benjamin Franklin RIP had birthdays too on teeny's original due date, Jan 17th, I may have left it! Anyhoo, I was too fat and cumbersome to care. I was ready to meet my tiny!

At 8am, I arrived at the hospital like Mariah Carey with a matching amount of luggage and entourage to boot!
 

Checked in, obs taken, pessary in; we're ready to be induced into labour. LET'S GET THIS!

 

The contractions began and oh la la! For anyone who has yet to experience it, my contractions felt like a blunt kneeding pain somewhere in the back of my hip and above my bum. I got my boyfriend to massage it, which helped but that hour went by slowly! 

The nurse comes in and reads tiny's heart rate monitor when it had 'decreased' for the second time in four hours. Apparently, this was cause for concern but I was relaxed. I had my heart set on a water birth and it was GOING to happen.

 

A Senior Consultant came in and said I had only dilated 1cm within three hours and they were concerned about the baby's heart rate, when the possibility of a C-Section came up. 

Woah - This was nowhere in the birthing plan! 

It was for the best and as soon as I uttered 'yes', that's when it was like an episode of ER!

Nurses, Anesthetists and Consultants burst in the room. They wheeled me into the theatre and administered an epidural.

My boyfriend, looking utterly bewildered joined me, wide eyed the whole time. I on the other hand (high from the drugs) started to crack jokes with the surgeons about going there 'more often' for a free bikini wax!!!

One hour and a massive pull and tug later, tiny was out!!!!! 

Apparently, he weed and pooed on the staff as soon as he left me! 

When I heard his first cry, I cracked up in hysterics.  (Blame the drugs!)

My boyfriend now looking even more bewildered and teary held our son for the very first time. 

5 llbs 7oz was our Sebastian.

 

And so began the start of my new life, with my teeny tiny.

 

Love Mama x

 

'Nostalgia, Ultra'

The title of Frank Ocean's debut album. 

My boyfriend introduced me to Frank's first album 'Nostalgia, Ultra' around Sept 2011. During the Autumn in England, we tend to have Indian Summers so hearing that album takes me back to a tiny, insanely hot student dorm room.

Being 38weeks pregnant has prompted 'Nostalgia, Ultra' within our lives. All the fun we've had together; the parties, the kisses, the Christmas celebrations...

However, today I'm using his music to de-stress as I've had the news that miniature is... well just that :-(

Apparently my bump hasn't grown in 3 weeks, so have been called into hospital for a growth scan with the threat of induction if they find anything 'concerning'. I feel a bit bad for calling miniature, miniature now. 

Perhaps my boyfriend's superstition that the nickname would jinx the baby was right!
By the end of today it's possible we could become parents!

I'm sure it's only a routine check though.


Maybe it is only right that I think of Frank Ocean today.

Love Mama x